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39 Genesis 1:20. And God said, “Let the waters cause the creeping animal—
a living soul—to creep out. And let the bird flit over the land, over the face of
the expanse of the heavens.”
After the great lights are kindled and placed in the inner self, and the
outer self is receiving light from them, the time arrives when we first start
to live. Earlier, we can hardly be said to have been alive, thinking as we
did that the good we perform and the truth we speak originate in ourselves.
On our own we are dead and have nothing but evil and falsity
inside, with the result that nothing we produce from ourselves has life.
So true is this that by our own power we cannot do anything good—at
least not anything inherently good.
From the doctrine taught by faith, anyone can see that we cannot so
much as think a good thought or will a good result or consequently do a
good deed except through the Lord’s power. After all, in Matthew the
Lord says:
The one who sows good seed is the Son of Humankind.60 (Matthew
13:37)
Good cannot come from anywhere but this same unique source, as he
also says:
Nobody is good except the one God. (Luke 18:19)


 
 

 

Loving God or Loving Our Defects

 

My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen. [AA Big Book, p. 76]

I heard about a young man, newly sober, who had recently started the A.A. 12-step recovery program. I’ll call him Bob. Bob had worked very hard on Step 6, preparing himself to have his defects removed. At last, he was ready for Step 7. He said that he prayed the above prayer one night before going to bed. He awoke with great excitement, eager to live his life free of defects. At breakfast, his wife spilled coffee and he yelled that she was a stupid idiot. At work, his boss wanted his over-due report and he found himself lying again that it was almost ready.

By lunch time, it was clear that he still had most of his character defects. He was so disappointed in God and in the recovery program, that he almost drank that night. Fortunately, he decided instead to go to a meeting. Bob chatted with his sponsor, Sam, during the break and told him about his disappointment. Sam was rather amused, as he pointed out that Bob had been working the steps all by himself; not with a sponsor or a group or even workbook materials. Sam said, “You forgot the most important part: humbly asked God. You have to be humble to know that you can’t do it by yourself!”

Bob joined a group working on the steps, and did several things differently. First, he did the first 6 steps again, and took his time to delve into them deeply. By the time he reached step 7, he no longer expected God to magically take away his defects. He was willing to work with God.

This time he read carefully these words in AA’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility

A book on recovery says that there are 3 reasons why we need humility
1. So that we can recognize the severity of our character defects.
2. So that we can acknowledge the limits of human power in addressing these character defects.
3. So that we can appreciate the enormity of God's power to transform lives.
Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 54-55

Grant Schnarr, author of Spiritual Recovery: A Twelve Step Guide says: Humility is used in this step to remind us that we will still be tempted to tackle our character defects alone – without God’s help…. Asking God to remove our shortcomings isn’t enough. We have to do our part and cooperate with him to allow these changes to take place. [pp. 69-70]

This shows us the similarity between Swedenborg and step #7. We move from stage 3 – where we think we do good all by ourselves – to the humility of stage 4 when we realize God does it all.

Swedenborg writes: In the fourth state, love stirs and faith enlightens us. Before this time we may have spoken devoutly and yielded a good harvest, but we did so in a state of trial and anguish, not at the call of faith and kindness. In consequence they are now kindled in our inner self and are called the two lights. SH #10

We've already read this by Swedenborg:

Earlier, we can hardly be said to have been alive, thinking as we
did that the good we perform and the truth we speak originate in ourselves.
On our own we are dead and have nothing but evil and falsity
inside, with the result that nothing we produce from ourselves has life.
So true is this that by our own power we cannot do anything good—at
least not anything inherently good.
From the doctrine taught by faith, anyone can see that we cannot so
much as think a good thought or will a good result or consequently do a
good deed except through the Lord’s power. …

[2] Still, when the Lord brings us back to life, or regenerates us, he at
first allows us to harbor these mistaken ideas. At that stage we cannot
view the situation in any other way. Neither can we be led in any other
way to believe and then perceive that everything good and true comes
from the Lord alone. … SH #39


So, it is essential that we approach this step with humility. Yet, it is also important that we not become so self-critical, that we are beating ourselves up.

Venerable Thubten Chodron, a Buddhist nun, says

There are situations where we have a problem, and, perhaps, we blame ourselves. We are very good at that, too, aren't we? We can really get into that one…"It's all my fault. Something is wrong with me. I'm terrible. I'm this awful person! Look at me! Oh, nobody can love me. I'm horrible. I did it again!

It's called the "Beat-myself-up" syndrome. And we do it very, very well. …

We're very important, then, aren't we? Extremely important. So it's very curious how, when we get into this performance of blaming ourselves, and feeling guilty, and self-hatred. It's actually a rather contorted way our self-cherishing mind has of making us extremely important.

We can have transformation in our character defects even when there is not a specific point in time when we prayed for that. In the movie, The Green Mile, Paul was radically transformed through spiritual experiences. We don’t see a specific point when he realized his defects and asked to have them removed. But he gave up his limited understanding of “faith” and “ God” through his life experiences.

AA’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions talks about removing character defects as a life-long process. Grant Schnarr suggests moving through defects one at a time, over a period of years. He emphasizes that there must be teamwork between us and God. He suggests an image of turning your life over to God, and then getting in the passenger seat of your car, and holding up your keys for God to grab and drive! That will be a long wait; God doesn’t drive cars for us! But God does offer guidance and strength when we humbly ask for help in letting go of our stumbling blocks to finding union with the Divine.

Is there a particular defect that you would like to ask God to help you with this week?

My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen